Who to ask when you need a character reference letter for child custody
The best people to ask to write a character reference letter for child custody fall into three categories. First, the person needs to know you, but maintain a certain level of impartiality. Second, the person must know her children and how she acts with them. Third, the person must be willing to put effort and time into the letter to create a quality result. If you can find someone in these categories, that person will be the best person to write your child custody character reference letter.
1. The person knows you and is impartial.
You need to find someone who knows you and has spent enough time with you to understand your positive qualities. You want someone who can be honest and specific when writing about you. An effective character letter will give specific examples of your character and not give vague topics. The statement “I know Bob is a nice man because I’ve seen him work at the soup kitchen on Fridays” is better than the statement “Bob is nice.”
An effective character reference is also impartial. A letter from your mom telling the court that you are the best parent in the world is not as persuasive as a letter from a co-worker or neighbor that begins, “I really don’t like Bob, but I know he loves his kids. ” Therefore, it is best to find someone who is not related to you to write the letter.
2. The person knows your children and how you act with them.
The most important factor the court will consider in a letter is how you treat your children. The court wants to know as much as possible about how you treat your children, and it’s important to find someone who can provide lots of specific, positive details about your upbringing. You need someone who has spent time with you and your children, seen you interact, and can provide positive feedback. Good examples of these people are parents of children who have spent time at your house or perhaps someone you have gone on vacation with.
3. The person must be willing to put effort and time into the letter to create a quality result.
Finally, you need to choose someone who can and has time to write. You can choose someone who thinks highly of you, but if they can’t write in a clear and compelling way, then they can’t help you. I often ask my clients to get as many cards as possible because some cards we get are so bad we can’t use them.
When choosing a person to write your letter, look for someone who has some writing experience. Managers or professors usually write a lot of letters of recommendation and they know how to do it. You want someone who puts the effort into writing the letter, not someone who sends a quick letter in 30 minutes.
When you ask someone for the letter, explain the importance of the letter and make sure you give them plenty of time to write it. As soon as you know you need it, start asking people because you want to give the letter writer as much time as possible to think and work on your letter.
Finding someone who fits all of these categories is not easy. I often recommend that clients start by thinking of their friends and neighbors as referrals. If they don’t work out, move on to coworkers, teachers, and managers. However, don’t be afraid to ask. Many people have had problems in their family and are often more than willing to help someone who needs a helping hand.
