Valentine’s Day Movies for People Who Hate Cheesy Love Stories
If you love romantic movies, there are about ten million possibilities if you want to watch a movie on Valentine’s Day, most of which are packed in pink and red at WalMart to help the men who are shopping for their ladies. . Romance movies run the gamut, from same-sex epics (a la Secret in the mountain) to wholesome musicals for teens (from the high school musical subset) in an attempt to reach as many demographic groups as possible.
But what about the rest of us who don’t like romantic movies? We who choked at the mention of Nicholas Sparks and had our eyeballs surgically removed from the back of our heads after watching another cinderella story? so that there is us to watch on Valentine’s Day? Believe it or not, whether you are a misanthrope or a serial killer, there is a love story out there for you.
For fans of action movies and people with a short attention span
THE TERMINATOR
A resistance fighter is sent back in time from an era where the world is controlled by machines to protect the mother-to-be from humanity’s last hope from a killer robot.
Cast: Michael Biehn, Linda Hamilton
Released: 1984
I have a love/hate relationship with James Cameron movies, but this one sits firmly on the “love” end of the spectrum. the terminator gave birth to several catchphrases and spawned four sequels. There’s plenty of action — explosions, car chases, gunfights, even futuristic warfare — but thematically it’s a love story, which helps it stand the test of time, even now that the awesome 1980s special effects have faded. dissipated.
For Lord of the Rings Fans, Dungeon Masters, and Fantasy Lovers
STAR DUST
A young man in love ventures into the magical kingdom of Stormhold to search for a fallen star for the girl of his dreams, only to discover that the real girl of his dreams is the star.
Cast: Charlie Cox, Claire Danes
Released: 2007
If you like fantasy, you know that Neil Gaiman is a genius. Anyone looking to write fantasy or science fiction should take lessons from Neil Gaiman on how to balance familiarity and imagination. This is a star-studded (pun intended) adaptation of his novel that involves flying pirate ships, witches, sword fights, castles, and one of the most impressive examples of acting I’ve ever seen (hint: it involves Mark Strong and a doll). of voodoo).
For WWII history buffs and war movie enthusiasts
ENEMY AT THE GATES
Famed Soviet sniper Vasily Zaitsev faces off against his German counterpart as Nazi bombers turn the city of Stalingrad into rubble. At stake: the outcome of the war.
Cast: Jude Law, Rachel Weiss
Released: 2001
One of the things I like most about this movie is that the British/American actors don’t try to fake Russian or German accents (if you’ve seen K-19 you know why this is not a good idea). The love story here is a triangle involving Vassili, the commissar who publicizes his exploits, and a female soldier (yes, Russia had female soldiers back then). Tragic yet uplifting, this is one of the best war movies I’ve ever seen.
For sci-fi fans and comic book nerds
AEON FLOW
An assassin, one of the last few hundred survivors of a deadly epidemic, is sent to kill the dictator of his futuristic society only to discover that all is not as it seems.
Cast: Charlize Theron, Marton Csokas
Released: 2005
Based on a comic book, this film has it all: futuristic technology, martial arts, gunfights, skintight outfits, and a love story that’s organic in the plot rather than bogged down to appease the girlfriends of male nerds. . I can’t tell you much about it without including spoilers, but it does have a happy ending.
For adventurers and lovers of irony
ROMANCE THE STONE
A lonely romance novelist with no travel experience enlists the help of a jaded mercenary to help her find the treasure that will enable her to rescue her kidnapped sister from a Colombian drug lord.
Cast: Kathleen Turner, Michael Douglas
Released: 1984
The irony here is that this comedy pokes fun at the absurd plots of romance novels within the framework of a plot that could have come from a romance novel. Ms Romance and Mr Uncouth naturally fall for each other throughout the film, but there are enough crocodiles, motor vehicle stunts, and jungle survival tips to please even the biggest Indiana Jones fan. As a bonus, you can turn it into a 4 hour movie marathon by showing it back to back with its sequel, jewel of the nile.
For Fans of The Godfather and Members of Organized Crime
DIRTY WORKS
An Australian soldier returning home from Vietnam joins his uncle in organized crime just as members of the American mob make their first forays into the country.
Cast: Sam Worthington, Kestie Morassi, Bryan Brown, Toni Collette
Released: 2002
This is not your typical mob story. It’s unexpectedly hilarious and actually a bit heartwarming. Bryan Brown, Toni Collette, John Goodman and Sam Neill take the top spots in all the promotional materials, but the character of Sam Worthington is actually the center of the film. There is the necessary murder, because the chases, the shootings and the destruction of private property, but there is also a subplot involving the introduction of pizza in Australia and two love stories: between the soldier and his uncle’s mistress and between his uncle and his aunt.
For serial killers and horror movie fans
THE SIGNAL
A woman, her boyfriend, and her husband find their lives intertwined after a mysterious sign drives everyone who looks at it crazy.
Cast: Anessa Ramsey, AJ Bowen, Justin Welborn
Released: 2007
The story is told in three parts from three different perspectives by three different directors, but make no mistake, it all fits together. This movie is at once terrifying, hilarious and uplifting, with a love story that sets it apart from your typical “let’s have sex while murders are happening around us” horror movie. Relatively unknown, this movie is worth every second you spend finding it.
For martial arts enthusiasts and Asian movie lovers
CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON
A great warrior in Qing China must outwit a deadly assassin to regain possession of a magical sword.
Cast: Chow Yun Fat, Michelle Yeoh
Released: 2000
Despite the furious Kung Fu battles, mystical elements, and incredible special effects that have the actors dancing through the treetops during fisticuffs, this is essentially a love story between two warriors. There’s also a princess, a female assassin, and some sensational cinematography, so it appeals to romantics and karate kids alike, as long as they don’t mind reading the subtitles.
For misanthropes and inanimate objects
WALL-E
A robot trash compactor left on a trash-filled Earth for 700 years teams up with a sleek vegetation-seeking robot to help a shipful of pampered humans return to the home they’ve forgotten.
Starring: The voices of Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, and a MacIntosh computer
Released: 2008
Yes, there are even love stories of people hating other people. In fact, EVE and WALL-E’s romance may be one of the cutest in the movie despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that they only know about four words each. Show it to your toaster in love and inspire him to propose to the blender. Great CGI animation and a timely message also make this a great film for environmentalists and sci-fi buffs.
For people whose main relationship is with a computer
HACKERS
A teenage hacker whose childhood exploits are famous moves to New York and becomes embroiled in a plot to frame hackers for bailing out an oil company.
Cast: Johnny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie
Released: 1995
Anyone who has had a computer made after 1996 will find the “state of the art” technology used by hackers ridiculous, but people who play world of warcraft 24/7 and the dream of beautiful women coming to them will relate to the main character, who manages to get a hot girlfriend despite spending most of his time in a dark room with his computer.
