Tips for parents: make your children do chores
We had just finished a large family dinner at Marianne’s and the kitchen was full of dishes. Since she had three children between the ages of 11 and 17, I asked Marianne if she wanted her to call her children to help her wash the dishes. She surprised me when she said, “Oh, it’s easier to do it myself.”
That was over twelve years ago. Today, Marianne doesn’t talk to her son, her oldest daughter got pregnant as a teenager and is struggling to survive, and her other daughter still lives with her because she can’t earn enough money to support herself.
Would something as simple as having your children help wash the dishes really help your children live a good life?
A remarkable 40-year study, conducted by Harvard researcher George Vaillant, says absolutely!
Initiated in an effort to understand juvenile delinquency, the study followed the lives of 456 inner-city Boston adolescent boys, many from impoverished or broken homes. When compared in middle age, one fact stood out: Regardless of intelligence, family income, ethnicity, or education level, those who had worked as children, even in simple household chores, enjoyed happy lives and more productive than those who did. No.
“It’s not hard to explain,” says George E. Vaillant, the Dartmouth psychiatrist who made the discovery while at Harvard Medical School. “Children who worked in the home or community became competent and came to feel that they were valued members of society. And because they felt good about themselves, others felt good about them.”
The researchers also found that IQ, amount of schooling, and family social and economic class made no real difference in children’s outcome.”
Are household chores, helping around the house and working important? Bet! That’s when children learn life skills.
Three steps to get kids to do chores:
- Understand the purpose. You’ll be more motivated when you realize it’s not just about getting the job done. You are teaching critical life skills: responsibility, competence, impulse control, initiative, problem solving, and contribution.
- Make it an achievable challenge and teach him the skills. Giving a child something that is too difficult can be so daunting that it becomes a daily battle and eventually isn’t worth the effort. If you ask your child to help you decide what tasks she will do, she is more likely to succeed.
- Gradually let your child take full responsibility. At first, your child will probably need your support to learn how to do the work and also to remember how to do it. Creating a chart or checklist together can make all the difference. It’s important not to use the chart as a reward, but rather as a way to acknowledge that you did it. After a while, your child can make her own board her way.
