The joy of family life
Your house is a zoo, literally. It’s not just the dog, the cat, the three hamsters and the goldfish, heck, they’re downright cool compared to the human animals that inhabit your humble abode: three kids and a companion. You come home at night and all you see is mess, mess, mess. Clothes thrown everywhere, glasses half empty, plates with something sticky on them, books, papers, chewed up pencils, DVDs, game-boys, nothing in its place, except your kids and your spouse who are all over the place, doing even more. – disorder. He barely puts his things down before gathering up piles of displaced belongings and strives to restore a small measure of order to his chaotic universe.
When you sit down to dinner, you are exhausted, even more exhausted than when you came home from a hard day’s work, and in little mood for conversation or encouragement. You barely have the energy to mutter “Use the fork, not your fingers,” “Milk is for drinking, not bubbly,” or “Stop feeding the dog your Brussels sprouts.” Later that night, finally buried in the safety of your bedding, when your partner exhales something sweet into the crook of your neck, it’s all you can do not to push him away, like a wandering fly.
Ah, the joys of family life. Well, they would be, or could be, if you changed your approach. You see, whatever you focus on grows. You focus all your attention on everything that’s wrong with your home by the time you get home, so that’s all you see. You don’t see the glorious energy and vivacity of your children, you don’t notice your partner’s welcoming smile, you don’t give yourself a moment to appreciate your home, whatever its state. You see clutter, then more clutter, and even more clutter on top of that.
“But that’s nonsense,” you say, “if I don’t see the mess, if I don’t deal with it, it will grow exponentially until I need a snow shovel to get from the hallway through it.” the living room to the kitchen.” In fact, if you don’t take care of it, it will get worse. But you don’t have to focus on the mess to fix it. That’s the secret.
Take a moment to hug your partner, smile at your children, and listen to their joys and sorrows of the day. Rest a few, you deserve it. And once you’ve absorbed some of the love and enjoyment your family provides, ask them for help. With smiles and gratitude, ask your children to pick up their belongings, your partner to supervise them or how he/she can best help, and make it fun. The first one to finish gets an extra half hour of TV or whatever reward is tempting. Focus more on what your family can and does achieve than on being the only surviving martyr from the collection brigade.
Anything you focus on grows. The more constantly, day by day, you openly observe and appreciate everything your family does that contributes to a happy home life, the more they will want to do. The more smiles and praise you lavishly distribute, the less heartache and fatigue you’ll create for yourself.
Family life can be a great joy, when you deliberately look for ways to enjoy it.
