Opportunities and gifts of great losses
The loss is in the eye of the beholder. Some losses are considered gigantic. Others are expected to switch to the status quo. More importantly, the same loss can be viewed very differently by two people. However, we all suffer what we consider to be great losses.
Regardless of how we view a specific loss in our lives, it can provide the setting for learning more about ourselves and the world in which we live. We rarely openly acknowledge that great losses, like the death of a loved one, change us. However, loss makes us see the world in a more realistic way, knowing that pain and sadness are a reality and realizing that this change is continuous.
But do we really take advantage of the lessons that loss teaches, the spiritual and psychological development that is always available in transformation? As the pain of your grievance begins to subside, be open to possible benefits. Here’s what many have learned that could help us better accept what we can’t control and reduce self-imposed suffering.
1. The importance of interpersonal relationships. It’s all too easy to overlook the importance of our interpersonal relationships until we’re down and friends and neighbors reach out to help in a time of need. We are often reminded that relationships with others are critical to health and well-being; they are at the center of what makes life joyful. The message is: nurture your relationships and give and accept support.
2. The importance of spiritual life. Death and other great losses always make us think about big questions like Why am I here? And why did this happen? and how does this fit into any plan? The search for meaning in loss reveals our spiritual side. We realize that it is our deep inner life that is so important in handling life’s difficult turns. Many realize the strength, through faith, that can be found in a power greater than oneself.
3. The importance of the little things that are taken for granted. Short walks by the sea, the smell of coffee, the sounds of nature, the sun and the stars often seem more pleasant and sometimes necessary after great losses. We are often reminded of how inspiring and enjoyable the simple things in life can be. The message: Focus on what you still have to balance your pain.
4. The search for meaning. Why do we have to suffer? How can we fit our loss into some framework of understanding? Why did this loss occur at this time? Answering these questions is not easy, and sometimes the answers cannot be found. More often the meaning is found and a new version of life is formed. Old beliefs are often changed and new beliefs are adopted about what is really important.
5. The need for silence and solitude. Being surrounded by many supportive people for long hours makes the precious silence and solitude a welcome gift to many at the end of the day. It often becomes a time to re-energize and think about new priorities and directions to take to relearn a world that has been drastically changed by our loss. We can especially think about the fact that life is much more than what culture conditions us to believe it to be.
6. The assessment of our dependence on the person or object of the accident. Not infrequently, the loss makes us realize that we have lost our identity as a person by depending too much on the loved one or the object of the loss. Now we have to take back what we gave away at a difficult time. The reconstruction of identity and the assumption of new responsibilities and roles is a great challenge that must be faced.
In short, perhaps one of the reasons we face constant change is to learn and grow through our losses, to discover who we really are and not live on the surface but on a deeper level. Could it be that through suffering we learn how big and resilient the inner self is, that we have been living less than full lives, and that we are more than we think?
Grieving loss often raises our level of consciousness to heights we never knew existed. It can lead us to develop our full potential as individuals and in our ability to help others. The challenge is to be open to learning from all the experiences that life offers, even those that we would prefer to pass up. The choice is clear: learn or suffer without growing.
