Hey, this is my story!
I am only now concluding that narcissism is a virus that has infected every air breather in the world. I even apply this to my own life with a lot of regret.
Nobody wants to admit that they have narcissistic tendencies in their life. And yet if you listen to them, and even listen to yourself, you will see it. He didn’t know how aggravating it was, but he was going to learn very soon.
I recently had a heart attack and they put a stent in one of my arteries, the widow did it. It was this experience that showed me the level of narcissism in my own life.
When someone would call me and ask how I was doing, they would mention that I recently had a heart attack and had a stent inserted in one of my arteries. Before you can get to the end of that sentence, the person on the other end of the line will say, “Oh, a couple of years ago, I had a heart attack and had two stents put in.” And then they would go on and on about his condition and experience.
When I thought we were at the end of that conversation, then they mentioned, “And I have a cousin who had a heart attack and had several stents put in, I don’t remember how many.” Then we all go down another rabbit trail. I sure would like to catch that rabbit.
Coming to the end of this conversation, I said, “Well, I hope you’re okay.” To which I got the response: “Thank you, I appreciate it.”
I hung up the phone, I thought a bit that the person on the other end of the phone was not allowing me to tell my story.
For me, this heart attack was quite an experience that I never expected to live. I know my father had several heart attacks, but I never thought he would have loved me. It is during these times that you seriously think about dying.
I have been tempted to spread the rumor that I won the million dollar lottery this week. Once that got out, I would get all kinds of calls to hear my million dollar story. But of course I know they would want to be on my Christmas list.
The discouraging point is that no one wanted to know the story of my heart attack. My heart attack was an opportunity for them to brag, or so it seemed, about their heart attack or their uncle’s or someone else’s heart attack.
After going through a heart attack, why do I want to know about someone else’s heart attack and how they got over it?
Of course, that’s my narcissism coming to the surface. I want everything to be about me and focus on my life. I’m not sure what to do or how to deal with this narcissistic virus that seems to be creeping into my life.
I don’t think I’ll mention this to my doctor the next time I see him. I suspect he would send me his psych friend, and I certainly don’t want that kind of test. I don’t think it can happen.
The only thing I’ve learned about this narcissistic virus is that there comes a point where it explodes. I didn’t know it before, but I found out recently.
Another friend called and asked for me, and I told him that I had just had a heart attack and had a stent implanted in my artery. Again, before I could get to the end of that sentence, they began to explain how they also had a heart attack several years ago and had four stents placed. Then they talked over and over again about their heart attack and how it changed their life, and what they did to avoid having another.
I don’t know what triggered my outburst, but all of a sudden, I heard myself say, “Hey, stop right there. This is my heart attack, not yours. This is my story, not yours.”
Then, without hesitation, I went into my story with all the details that occurred to me at the time. I just wished I had recorded it so I could know what I really said.
Just before hanging up, the person on the other end of the phone said, “Well, I’ll be praying for you and I hope you get better.” Then there was that infamous “click”. And the conversation ended.
I hung up the phone and turned around only to see the Graceful Parsonage Mistress staring at me with one of her ‘glances’, and I heard her say, ‘What the hell did you just say?’
At that point, I knew I was in trouble, so I said, “I’m not sure, what did I say?”
I knew she would tell me what I said, so I didn’t need a recording. But I kind of lost control because of that narcissistic virus that has infected me.
A scripture verse came to mind at that moment. “And he said to everyone: If anyone wants to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Lk 9:23).
Probably the most difficult thing in this verse is when Jesus says, “Deny yourself.” My narcissistic virus fights that all the time.
