Are you still in love with your ex?
Have you ever started dating someone, started having feelings for him, and then found out he still wasn’t over his ex? Few things in the dating world are more annoying than the “Ex factor.” If someone hasn’t gotten over his ex, no matter how hot, sexy, smart, and sweet you are, it won’t matter, because he’s in no condition to appreciate it right now. They are living in the past. You are competing with someone with whom you have a history, who knows you much better than you and with whom you share many good memories.
How do you know if someone is not over their ex? The two main clues are if they always bring up the other person, when there is clearly no reason to, or if they refuse to talk about their ex. So what can you do? Practice what I call the “Lose them to keep them” movement. Sit your sweetie down and say, I like you and enjoy being with you, but you don’t seem like you’re over your ex. That’s not fair to either of us and I can’t keep seeing you under these circumstances. I don’t want to be in a rebound relationship. I think you should go and do whatever it takes to find out what you want. This will probably surprise them and they may even deny that they still like their ex, but don’t be fooled. No matter how much they beg and plead, keep your statement. If they ask you if you’re going out with other people, the answer is “Yes!”.
Don’t worry that if he gets back together with his ex, it will be over with you forever. I once started dating someone who had just gotten out of a relationship. When the ex found out, she suddenly wanted him back. She saw the two of us for a while, though she thought she had broken up with me. One night she had to go out to look for her. I wasn’t happy about it and told him so. Her response was: Very bad. I broke up with him that night. They were together for another year, but in the meantime he kept in touch with me. When he caught her cheating, he immediately broke off and ran back to me. I took my time to get it back and from then on I always had the upper hand in what turned out to be a five-year relationship. He finally asked me to marry him, but I turned him down. I truly believe that if she hadn’t broken up with him and instead put up with him seeing me on the side, the relationship would be over for good in no time and he wouldn’t have come back.
The ex is an ex for a reason: something obviously wasn’t working out. Most of the time, if they get back together, they will eventually fall into the same patterns and before you know it, they will start having problems again. You need to give them a chance to see that it’s not going to work, so they can stop idealizing the relationship in their minds. It will probably happen sooner rather than later if you’re not around to distract them. When they finally have some closure, they will be able to move on and give you their full attention.
